Tuesday, 16 February 2016

HELP! All you need when trying to help a troubled youngster.

HELP! it's very useful when you don't have much time ...
Let me try to explain. It's simple but not easy. (I need your love for this child, your connection, your engagement with this child otherwise it won't work.)
H = Humour 
Add some lightness when things are though/rough. Make sure it is appropriate and make sure everyone (the both of you) can smile, not only you. My first exercise in a HELP! training course is: "Tell your neighbour about 1: When did someone manage to make you smile while you were feeling down? and 2. When did you manage to make someone else smile while he/ she was feeling down?"
I need your love for, your engagement with this child otherwise it won't work.
E = Earnest 
Dictionary: Earnest, resolute, serious, sincere imply having qualities of depth and firmness. Be earnest about everything concerning your troubled youngster. I mean this: you want to know everything that is important, the housing, the family, the hobbies, the friends, the games.
I need your love for, your engagement with this child otherwise it won't work.
L = listen
While you listen at your youngster telling you all he/she wants to tell, you listen with a 'looking glass' in one hand and a 'magnifier' in the other hand. You make sure your youngster is aware of the resources and skills he/she has.
You listen very closely and you hear about every detail (well ... you have to ask for it to describe it in detail ...) they have done pretty well in their lives. Their coping skills, their ability to be emphatic, their determination about .....  
I need your love for, your engagement with this child otherwise it won't work.
P = Positive
Your words are positive words ... Because of everything you know about your troubled youngster, you are able to have a short conversation about his/her 'better future'. You only have to repeat the strengths and resources that could help to make his/her first hours, first day be a little better. 
You only have to repeat what you've heard: "I've heard you say you could focus in your always noisy house for 5 minutes to play a game... So, you are able to focus, great .." Most times your youngster 'knows what you mean': YOU MEAN WELL !! 
You give them hope through the insight in their strong, good world of actions, feelings and thoughts.
I need your love for, your engagement with this child otherwise it won't work.
! = Celebrate!
See what you can do, what you can allow to 'have fun' because of a small or big success. High five! YESS!! A little dance, a few words on a piece of paper "I did it!" , telling a joke in front of class, have 3 minutes of great music in class, playing a computergame together, watching a videoclip, etc. 
I need your love for, your engagement with this child otherwise it won't work.
HELP! is all you need when trying to help a troubled youngster.


As some high school/secondary school and vocational education teachers stated while attending my workshop about Mastering Mentoring: "I have to think different, completely different ...". It's worth the try! One of them wrote the letters of HELP! on a sticker and put it on the "Sharing thoughts and ideas-wall". Glad they think of it as interesting for others to know! 
Smile, Ella
As you can read in my e-book and my blogs: I am earnest about the  'Solution Focused Approach' born and raised by 'Solution Focused Brief Therapy'. I try to make it as simple as possible for all who want to help others. I'm Dutch and write hopefully in 'just good enough English' so you get what I mean. Website (under construction): www.elladejong.com
For those who are interested: there is a lot of evidence based research of the effectiveness of Solution Focused Approach / Brief Therapy. one and more
This post was first posted on LinkedIn Pulse 02-15-2016

2 comments:

  1. Is 16 still considered a young child or more adult?
    Programs for young adults

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  2. Hi Thomas,
    I would say 16 is considered an "old child".
    Having two completely different daughters I know there is no such thing as 'the regular 16 years old".
    I do know 16 is about an age where it shows more and more how much 'grown up' some of them are and how 'naive" some still are ...

    I've looked at your programs, they look wonderful! When a 16 year old is in doubt of participating I would say: don't push, don't rush! :-)

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